What's in a name?

Everything. 

Parents-to-be spend eight or nine months picking out the perfect name for their baby.  Don't you wonder at their mental capabilities when you see a birth announcement for yet another Dakota or Madison? 

Really?  Out of all the names in the world you chose one that scores of other new parents have just named their blessed bundle? 

I had a small class one year in which four of the seven girls were named Ashley.  All spelled differently.  Misspelling a name doesn't make it any more palatable.  In the same class were three Brandons.  At least they were identical in spelling.  Probably because they were all incredibly stupid and needed to be able to copy their name from some other Brandon - who knows what the birth certificates said.

When my oldest son played baseball he had three Shanes and two Jasons as teammates.  It got confusing. 

And the trend to make up names?  How many Jadens and Cadens (or Kadens) can one teacher take?  And if it isn't Madison it's Addison.  Dropping the "M" and doubling up the "d" is a small derivation that makes absolutely no difference.  It's cutesy and imitative.

Maybe I'm radical about name choice because I've always hated mine.  My birth name was what I'm called today with a consonant at the end. (I was supposed to be a boy.)  At 12 I begged and begged until my parents changed my birth certificate - I now have a female name.  Not one I like, but at least no one thinks I'm male.  My children were all given family names - strong and no-nonsense monikers. 

Children should have names that will grow with them.  I'm not advocating a return to the Mabels and Earnests - God forfend - but honestly?  Do you think that we will ever see the CEO of a Fortune 500 company named Jaren?  Or Jarin - I've seen both.  Luckily it seems that Savannah is waning, along with Kaley and Haley and even Jaelie. 

Did that mother hate her newborn on sight?

If your fondest dream is for your daughter to grow up and perform on a pole, name her Brittany or Tiffany or Destiny.  You've sealed her fate.  And make sure she marries/reproduces with a Dakota.  Ignorant bliss will be theirs, along with pitifully named children in perpetuity.