Parents are given the children they are supposed to have, I'm convinced. I always say my children aren't perfect - and let's not even start itemizing the imperfections - but they are the perfect children for ME. Smart, and smart asses, seekers, learners, bull shit detectors.
But they are also eminently themselves. Kinder than I, oh so much brighter, more environmentally aware and concerned. They also read deep dark books and laugh at my beach reads. And most everything else I do.
They love me, though. And I them. It's a physical thing that is part of every cell in my body - I can no easier watch them being hurt than I could do my own tonsillectomy. An old saying is that a mother is never any happier than her least happy child and it's true. There is nothing we won't do to "make it better," whatever the "it" is.
So when I'm faced with the grown-up problems they have now I hurt even more. They aren't 4; a hug and vanilla wafer won't do the trick. I still try it from time to time - especially the hugs - but their journeys aren't mine. Their lives are to be led by them - I tell myself this hourly - and all I am is a loving bystander.
I know that my friend faces some tough times, which is fine. She's more than capable of anything life throws her. The road maps we get when babies are born aren't adequate for every situation, and the advice we get from others - even professionals, sometimes falls short of what our guts tell us to do for these amazing creatures we are blessed to have. So she'll soldier on, with a lot of help from her husband, and be a grander person than she already is. Knowledge is power, I know.
I just wish I could give her a hug and a vanilla wafer right now.
You just did, friend.
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